Baby Einstein: still in the news

Baby Einstein: still in the news

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Great New Stuff!

Hi Moms!

Thanks to Allied Integrated Marketing in Kansas City, SHS has another opportunity to beat the winter doldrums and enjoy a free movie!

If you would like to see "Alvin and the Chipmunks" for free, call the SHS office or email Teri today!

Secondly, we have created a brand new online community at sistershelpingsisterskc.ning.com. It's amazing! You can have a email, chat, blog and talk to other KC moms - for free! We'll post information about community resources we access and more! Be sure to join today.

Finally, I've chatted with a few of you and I can hear that end of the year stress in your voices. Stay encouraged, Single Mom. Regardless of what you have endured this past year, your best years, relationships, career opportunities and blessings are a head of you - not behind you.

Good things are still happening. Allied's gift is proof of that! Be watchful for those "little" blessings to keep your hopes strong.

Keep your hope strong and remember the best is yet to come.

Beat the Holiday Blues, Single Mom!

There’s one surefire answer to battle the holiday blues. Your weapon is gratitude. I know it sounds overly simplistic but the best solutions in life usually are.

Inventory your blessings frequently and reject the tendency to focus on the negative. That will never produce anything encouraging in your life or your inner spirit. If in all things you are thankful, you’ll be surprised how your perspective will shift from what you don’t have to the wonderful, many things you do.

Here are 16 things you can be thankful for right now:

1. Your children and their giggles bring pleasure to your life.

2. If you have teens, be grateful that you raised them thus far.

3. You’re kids are grown? Do a little gig right now! What an accomplishment!

4. Do you have a supportive person in your life? Someone that has a smile and encouraging word regularly? That’s a blessing.

5. Do you have a place to live? It may not be your ideal situation, but it’s a piece of good fortune. Recognize it as such.

6. Are you breathing? I’m sure you are. Be happy about that!!!

7. Be thankful for the fact that you have enough strength to read this.

8. Is there a place that feeds your spirit? If so, celebrate that! If not, find one.

9. Do a set of wheels take you from one point of the city to another? It may be a car, bus, bike or friend’s automobile. Focus on the good.

10. Access to technology is another opportunity to be happy and thankful.

11. Did at least one good thing happen to you this past week? One?

12. Does someone else genuinely care about you or your kids? A neighbor, teacher or friend?

13. Does an old song still make you smile? (Mine is “I can make you dance” by Roger Troutman and Zapp)

14. Did you survive a situation that would have broken another woman in two? A divorce, abuse or rejection? Celebrate and be appreciative you overcame that!

15. Is there a guy in your past that you’re THRILLED is gone? Whew! Be happy!

16. Did you get a pleasant surprise this last year?


Could you be thankful for at least three items on the list? If so, you’re blessed beyond reason. There will be days that are so “heavy” that you’ll need a reminder of your blessings. On those days refer back to this list. Soon you’ll find yourself able to smile again and rejoice in the Holiday season – and every day that follows.

What's Going On?

For some moms, the meetings seemed to simply cease! For others, it's a sigh of relief since the weather has begun to turn frigid.

The conundrum is hosting the meetings for single moms that must rush from work, pick up their children from childcare; deliver them to a sitter; and come to Midtown for the meeting. SHS is comprised of single moms and former single moms and we understand how something as simple as a meeting can create a small amount of stress in the lives of some moms. For us, that seems counterproductive.

So, on the site, you'll see a new poll asking your opinion. Let us know what you want and what works best for you. Just know that we're still available for support, resources and even a free movie from time to time!

Let us know your thoughts...and Happy Holidays!

*To stay informed of local resources, join the mailing lists here!

Talk to your kids about sex

Talk to your kids about sex

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5 Tips for moms to de-clutter your world

5 Tips for moms to de-clutter your world

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Recall Alert: Children and Infants Tylenol

Recall Alert: Children and Infants Tylenol

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Is too much homework stressing your kids?

Is too much homework stressing your kids?

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Dating Single Moms: Tips for Guys

Tips for Dating Single Moms

Sisters Helping Sisters.Org doesn’t get a lot of daddy visitors to the website, but from time to time we hear from a few. As a result, I thought it would be a good idea to feature some information men might find useful and info that would help single moms at the same time.

Dating as a single mother is one of the trickiest elements of raising kids on your own. There are no cookie-cutter approaches to the subject, but these tips might make the process easier for everyone involved. Guys will find these ideas particularly useful should they date a single mother. Go ahead and forward this to your male friends and family members! These tips might include some information difficult to say, but they need to hear.

Tip 1: Respect the multiple roles and facets of the single mother. The single mom you date may enjoy nice evenings on the town as she is able, but know that it took some planning and arranging for you to enjoy that time with her. Single moms can rarely spontaneously jump up and go on a date at a moment’s notice. She must put a lot of “ducks’ in a row to make that special moment. So respect her time, value her boundaries and make the evening extraordinary.

Tip 2: Don’t mislead her. Clearly, single moms are women, but they are also someone’s mother. Treat her with respect. If you’re not interested in a possible commitment or marriage, then you must tell her so she will know how to treat and interact with you. She doesn’t have time for games or weak wishy-washy men. So, initiate the conversation about your intentions and find out hers. If you guys define the relationship it lessens the possibility of misunderstandings that will distract or hurt her later.

By the same token, don’t assume that she is looking for an instant husband –just because she has kids. She may not view you or need you that way.

Tip 3: Children are fragile little beings. Be careful about meeting her kids. The last thing kids need is a string of men in and out of their lives. Unless you are interested in being a stable part of their lives, there’s little reason for you to meet them.

Tip 4: A single mother doesn’t need booty calls. In my experience as a single mom, sex before marriage only clouded and muddied relationships. My faith empowered me to make good decisions about my body so I didn’t continually fall into situations that inhibited my ability to parent well.

If you are dating a single mom and you love her; then wait for her. If you love her enough to be physical then step up like a real man: wait for sex and then progress toward a real commitment that involves a preacher and a ring.

Back to the Moms. Men of integrity are a blessing and they still exist! I can attest to that. However, he did not come overnight. I went though a string of nutmos. But the good ones are out there, ladies.

Single moms, set emotional boundaries to protect you and your children. It’s also time for men to exhibit integrity and conduct themselves sensibly and reasonably in dating relationships. The number one benefactors will be the children.

Lose that Belly Fat, Mom!

For many moms, the tummy area seems to have a fat-attracting magnet! Mid-section pooches are the toughest to lose because of reduced elasticity and muscle tone as a result of pregnancy. Most experts agree that it’s almost impossible for you to return to your pre-pregnancy washboard belly. But don’t despair; you can shrink fatty tissue to get a bit closer to your ideal tummy.

Cardio is a mommy-must!

Cardio is basically any exercise that raises your heart rate and gets you “winded”. Such movements burn fat and build endurance. Examples include: running, walking (really quickly), jumping and the like.

Did you know tummy-reducing exercises are somewhat useless without some cardio? You need that cardio to burn away the fatty layer hiding the muscles you want to showcase. A great workout tool – that won’t make you cry for an ambulance– is Leslie Sansone’s “Walk Away the Pounds” series. You can get it at Walmart or Target for about fifteen bucks. Leslie's moves are easy and require no rhythm or fancy techniques! Buy online below at Amazon for a bit less.

Cut the Carbohydrates

You simply must reduce your sugar intake to lose your tummy fat. Sugar lurks in processed foods such as white breads, white rice and even crackers! Once that processed food hits your tummy it turns into sugar. Sugar turns to fat – sometimes congregating around your mid-section. Understand belly fat? Check out the video featuring Dr. Mehmet Oz.

A low-carb diet like the South Beach is a quick way to get rid of belly fat – but it’s far from easy. Here’s why: according to “The South Beach Diet” by Arthur Agatston, your body develops a sugar addition making you crave more and more “fixes”. During phase one you quit sugar “cold turkey” and lose some inches, but you also may experience withdrawal symptoms such as headaches. The good news is after your detox period, you’re less likely to crave sugar and should be free of it’s wicked, evil power forever!

Track those calories

Take advantage of free online tools to track your caloric intake. Try The Daily Plate or The Calorie Counter for some great tools! Dr. Ian Smith’s health challenge is also free and offers great resources.

Whichever course of action you choose to banish those mommie pounds, make sure you include cardio, limit your sugar and sweets and track what you eat. Soon you’ll be the size you want and a lot healthier to boot!

Access Resources Online:

Stress and the Single Mom

Thanks to Juanita Bartel for speaking to Kansas City single moms on Monday, August 31st at the Plaza Library. She shared practical insights on what stress is, how to manage it and some simple physical exercises to relieve it.

We also completed an assessment to gauge our feelings about our stresses and how to link our behaviors to core issues.

Thanks again to Juanita for taking time from her busy schedule to spend an evening with some dynamic single mommies!

Winners of give-a-ways were Cheryle, Keesha and Wilma! We love ya, guys!

School District Websites in the Kansas City, Missouri and Kansas Areas

As you're getting ready to transition your children to school, you'll have questions. Visit your child's school district website to learn information about start times, school supply lists and faculty details. If your school's site isn't listed, feel free to add it to the comments section for other parents.

Missouri School Districts

Kansas City, Missouri School District (includes school supply lists and more)
http://www2.kcmsd.net/Pages/default.aspx

North Kansas City Schools
http://www.nkcsd.k12.mo.us/

Belton School District
http://www.beltonschools.k12.mo.us

Blue Sprints School District
http://www.bluesprings-schools.net

Center School District
http://www.center.k12.mo.us

Grandview School District
http://www.csd4.k12.mo.us/

Hickman Mills School District
http://schoolweb.missouri.edu/hickman.k12.mo.us/

Independence School District
http://www.indep.k12.mo.us/

Lee’s Summit
http://www.leesummit.k12.mo.us/

Park Hill School District
http://www.parkhill.k12.mo.us/

Platte County School District
http://pcr3pirates.org/nav1-10-04/

Raytown School District
http://www.raytown.k12.mo.us/

Smithville School District
http://www.smithville.k12.mo.us/

Kansas School Districts

Blue Valley School District
http://www.bluevalleyk12schools.org/

Bonner Springs School District
http://usd204.net/education/district/district.php?sectionid=1

Olathe School District
www.olathe.k12.ks.us/

Piper School District
www.piperschools.com/

Kansas City, Kansas Public Schools
http:// www.kckps.org/

Shawnee Mission School District
http://www.smsd.org/

Turner School District
http://www.turnerusd202.org/

Dads Play An Important Role in Kid’s Lives

Last evening, CNN ran a feature hosted by Roland Martin and Soledad O’Brien called “Reclaiming the Dream”. I must admit that I didn’t view the entire episode, but I was impressed by the profile about Steve Harvey’s youth program. Before I tell you why, let me first say I have never been counted among Steve Harvey’s fan base. Nothing personal against him, it’s just that his humor never appealed to me, but my pre-teen son loved him. You couldn’t pay me to listen to his show or watch his re-runs.

That is until last evening.

The CNN special spotlighted Harvey’s weekend camp for boys called “How-to-be-a-man school” Don’t be fooled. The curious title intentionally reflects Harvey’s comedic flair, but it’s nothing to scoff at. The camp is actually a clandestine mentoring opportunity for young boys from single mom homes. While enjoying camp, young boys learn life lessons most commonly taught by dads. In one scene, a little guy is taught to tie a necktie while being compassionately coached by an African-American male. The moment is touching and inspiring.

New position: I love Steve Harvey!!!

Through the years, I received tons of emails from dads accusing Sisters Helping Sisters of ignoring their plight in the child-rearing process. Nothing could be further from the truth! Here’s the skinny: Sisters Helping Sisters supports and empowers single moms to reach their fullest personal potential so that they can raise healthy, strong young people. The goals and the mission are clear and succinct - moms. SHS does not in any way malign the needs or contributions of dads.

As a result of the Steve Harvey feature on CNN, we take this opportunity to salute them. Fathers play a huge role in the healthy development of kids. The most unselfish and magnanimous gift you can give your child is allow their dad to be a part of their life. Whether or not they pay child support, regardless of how they disappointed you relationally, the kids need dad. As long as no safety risks exist, you’ve got to encourage that relationship. Dad’s involvement can contribute to your children’s lives in a myriad of positive ways.

For instance, a University of Illinois study shows that the earlier dads are involved, the more likely they’ll interact as the child(ren) matures. If your children are small now, be sure to include dad in pediatrician, school visits and more. Believe me; you’ll need support from the child’s father as the child approaches [and during] the adolescent years. Further, your child’s sexual choices can be linked to that dad/child relationship.

A study from the same university says “the more attentive the dad — and the more he knows about his teenage child's friends — the bigger the impact on the teen's sexual behavior…” Although your role is important, the study shows that dad’s is “twice as influential”. Make room for daddy!

Letting some dads “in” is difficult, I admit that. I’ve been there. At times, I forgot it wasn’t about me, but about my son. Thankfully, I learned that lesson and his dad was a large part of his growing into the wonderful man he is today. After a while, when he disappeared from his life, we were blessed to have another great dad willingly step in to fill the void.

Bottom line: in spite of your ex’s role in the break-up, he’s essential to your child’s well-being.

So, on this day, at this moment, in response to Steve Harvey’s notable efforts, we salute and honor you, dad! Keep up the good work improving the lives of your children. They need you and truth be told, so do we. What do you think?

Watch video from CNN
http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2009/black.in.america/

Visit Steve Harvey's Website
http://steveharvey.com/

Divorce May Widen Distance Between Teens, Fathers
http://www.physorg.com/news119098181.html

The Role of Fathers with Daughters and Sons
http://www.aces.uiuc.edu/news/stories/news4822.html

Devoted Dad Key to Reducing Risky Teen Sex
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31086977/

July: Great Single Mom Meeting!

What a great meeting!

Lynette Dewberry spends her days as a professional in the financial industry. But on last Thursday evening, she was an advocate for financial readiness in the lives of Kansas City single moms. Lynette generously took time from her busy schedule to share valuable insights to help single moms conquer money barriers in their lives.

Lynette Tip: Careful of Emotional Spending

Emotional spending is part of most everyone’s life. Emotions play a significant role in our interactions, relationships and parenting styles. In their proper context, emotions contribute to the excitement and spontaneity of life. In extremes, the same emotions can contribute to mayhem and chaos, especially in our finances. Lynette encouraged single moms to think critically about emotional purchases to avoid creating problems later.

Lynette Tip: Give and You’ll Get

The law of attraction is an often overlooked principle of life. Lynette reminded us that the more we give, the more we receive. She also modeled this spiritual truth by giving amazing gifts to moms at the meeting. A beautiful jewelry set and a few sets of movie tickets were among the give-a-way items at the Sisters Helping Sisters Single Mom Empowerment Group.

Thank you, Lynette, for providing practical, useful tips and advice at the Plaza Library. Because of you, we are all better able to track spending trends, develop savings strategies and plan for future financial security.

We appreciate you for donating your personal time and resources. We will see you again soon!

Visit Lynette's website

"10 Money Tips from Mom"
"Tips from Healthy, Wealthy Moms"

Post your favorite money-management resources!

Salmonella lettuce recall: Be safe and knowledgable

Salmonella lettuce recall: Be safe and knowledgable

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Moms Need Friends Too: Identifying Your Own Personal Support Group

Moms Need Friends Too: Identifying Your Own Personal Support Group

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Ideas for Time With Your Teens

Spending time away - from home - with your teenager promotes strong relationships and open communication. Research-based sources validate the significance of your involvement in your teen’s day to day life. You can easily utilize “together” moments as opportunities to convey your values and expectations about sex, drugs and other risky behaviors. As you spend time with your kids, you can actually position yourself as the “safe” person for advice and ongoing support.

Kansas City offers countless opportunities for low-cost fun with your young person. Take advantage of the City’s resources to create “mindless” and almost effortless time to just enjoy one another. Many parents mistakenly wait until their teen is in crisis to develop close interpersonal relationships. It’s often too late at that point. Instead, spend small, but frequent, increments of time with your teen on a regular basis. They may act as though they don’t like it, but they will thank you for the memories later in life.

Here are some cost-free ideas to “hang out” with your teenager:

• Visit the lush, multi-colored Kauffman Memorial Gardens off of Rockhill for a peaceful mini-retreat.
• Take snacks to Shawnee Mission Park and gaze at the rippling water from the gazebo.
• Leisurely take in the greenery at Loose Park.
• Introduce your kids to the excitement of City Market on a Saturday morning – loads of fun and plenty of conversation starters!
• Read the same book or magazine article and walk the Country Club Plaza while discussing it.

As you can see, spending time with your teen doesn’t have to break the bank. Nor will it take hours and hours of time. In reality, frequency is more importance than duration. Recurrent chunks of bonding time demonstrate your commitment to your teen’s interest and them as a person. The end result will be a strong, trusting relationship that propels your teenager toward self-confidence and a sense of belonging. In fact, my teen gripes when I suggest we hang out. But just the other day he said he enjoys our time together. Go figure.

Any other ideas of how we can enjoy our teens?

Useful Links:

Things to do with your teen

Kauffman Memorial Garden

For more links visit Teri Kansas City Examiner articles here.

Manners Aside: Survival for Moms

Have you ever noticed when you travel by plane, the very minute the plane is in the air and you are relaxed in your seat that the flight attendant comes with along with the “in case of emergency” lecture? Frankly, I roll my eyes when I see him or her positioning in the aisle. I usually don’t care about the exits or how to use the oxygen masks. I generally just want to sit undisturbed until my graham crackers [or peanuts] arrive.

But they come with their spiel anyway.

You know the speech, it’s something like this: “in the event of trouble, affix your own oxygen mask before helping others with theirs”. The first time I heard this demonstration, I thought “hmmm…that it seems kinda rude.” Shouldn’t I help others first? The answer is a resounding NO! Why you ask. The answer is simple: the flight attendant is talking about [your and other's] survival not the social registry.

As a young mom, I was surprisingly aware of the link between effective parenting and my personal well-being. My son needed me and relied on me. I loved him, so I wanted to be physically and emotionally healthy for him. Whenever I did slack in my self care, my mom swiftly reminded me: “Teri, you are no good to anyone else if you don’t take care of yourself first.” My mom was just talking about me taking vitamins, but I saw other life applications to her advice. As a result, I incorporated “little” self-care rituals into my daily routine. For instance, in the morning I would purposely wake up before my son, Benji, to do something I wanted to do. I’d use the time to journal, experiment with hairstyles or just paint my nails.

I found it helpful to do the same in the evenings. After a stressful day at work, I desperately needed to de-compress. So when my son was older, I allowed myself five minutes “me” time before I started dinner. It is amazing what five minutes could do for my mind and spirit. I often would just sit on the floor and stretch out the kinks of the day. It felt great! Other times, I’d slather on one of my favorite scented lotions before I headed to the kitchen to prepare a quick meal. My son must have thought I smelled like a giant vanilla bean or pomegranate when I came out of the room, but I didn’t care. Those simple gestures reminded me of my worth and significance.

Just as in the flight analogy, you must take are of yourself before you can competently care of anyone else – including your kids. It may “feel” selfish initially, but when you integrate balance, it’s anything but selfish! It’s absolutely necessary. We’re talking your physical and emotional survival.

Remember this: extreme self-compromising behaviors send unhealthy messages to your kids. Self care for you – as a parent - is an important part of a healthy, well-balanced lifestyle. That’s a great lesson to learn early in life.

Take care of yourself. In doing so, you’ll be providing your children the best care imaginable. Check out these sites for more tips:

"31 Ways to Relax in 10 Minutes or Less"
"100 Ways to Relax, Unwind and Loosen Up"
"8 Simple Ways to Relax"

I love Rodney Lee with Gaim. I have his Yoga tape "Yoga for Beginners".


Special note: As I penned this blog entry, I remembered that I hadn’t eaten a good meal the entire day! So, I left my laptop and took care of me. All lessons in life need a little reinforcement from time to time. What a great reminder for myself as well!

How Single Moms Are Like Al Pacino

How are you like Al Pacino?

Last week, I watched one of my favorite movies “Carlito’s Way” starring Al Pacino. In the film, Pacino portrays a newly reformed and newly released gangster determined to abstain from the deadly influences of the ghetto streets. He was released from prison on some legal technicality. He viewed his release as a perfect opportunity to make a clean start.

How you are like the Al Pacino character, you ask? Patience, I’m getting there.

During one of my favorite scenes, Carlito stands on a rainy corner of a gloomy street watching his beloved Gail dance inside a studio. She is completely unaware that he is there – or out of prison for that matter. The camera zooms in on Pacino’s face. Pacino was captivated by this woman he has not seen in many years. Enormous raindrops pounced on him until he was dripping wet.

Then Carlito did something intriguing.

He noticed a few aluminum garbage cans lining the dark, lonely curb. Suddenly, he reaches over, swipes a lid and holds it over his head to shield him from the rain as he watched Gail’s flowing ballet movements. From a sociological perspective it was a fascinating action. A garbage can lid is something that most people would not see as a resource for anything other than covering the stench of decaying trash. Nonetheless, it was right there - sitting, waiting and ready to serve a new and creative purpose for Carlito. Carlito was a gangster, a survivor in the most primal sense of the word. A survivor uses whatever is available to them to be okay, to survive and to succeed.

As a single mom, you are what Carlito is in the film – a survivor. When you are trying to survive, you grab whatever you can to ensure that your [and your children’s] needs are met. You take full advantage of every possible resource to stay strong. You become creatively practical.

What resources are you overlooking that may be of great benefit to you? Is it a small business idea that could render extra cash for your family? Is it a college degree that might increase your earning potential? How about your faith? Are you making the best possible use of your faith to encourage you during the hard times? Do you pray? Are you reading scripture for strength and reinforcement?

Your over-looked resource could also be people. People can be great resources. Communicate your needs and goals to trusted individuals. You never know, they may be able to help you. Don’t underestimate people’s knowledge areas, networking connections or wisdom. Quite possibly, your buddy at work may be related to the head of a human resources division. Perhaps, your cousin knows someone that could help you go back to college. Your quiet elderly neighbor may know of a great babysitter for your kids! The possibilities are endless. Just cast your bread upon the waters and see what happens.

Ah-Choo...Be Careful, Not Crazy

As you well know, the Swine Flu is raising a great deal of concern in the news. I’m glad information about it is surfacing so that I can protect myself and my family. It is good to be educated and knowledgeable. However, the media is teetering on the line between educating us and scaring us to the point of manic distraction. Aside from the flu, a lot of folks in my social circle are enduring colds and allergies. In fact, as I pen this blog entry, I am in bed with a nasty case of bronchitis. My soupy cough is the result of a lingering sinus infection. Go figure. Anyhoo, I went to the doc a few days ago where I was diagnosed, treated and at peace with my path to wellness…that is until I began watching television today.

A self-proclaimed news junkie, I am spending my “sick in bed” time watching the twenty-four hour news networks. I love the developing political stories and pundits spouting their opinions. But surprisingly, politics is not as much in the news as the Swine Flu! It’s shocking that almost every news station is discussing the flu in one form or another. Each segment, each interview gets scarier and more alarming that the first. Slowly my peace of mind [about my own cough] begins to dwindle. “Do I have it?” Thankfully, sanity prevails over panic and I remember that I simply have is a sinus infection and a little bronchitis. That’s it! No need for a masks or quarantine just yet!

As you know, when it comes to the press, you’ve got to take the meat and leave the bones. If not careful, you can easily become paranoid after hearing stories of economic troubles, murders and yes, flu outbreaks. In this latest case of the Bird Flu…I mean the Swine Flu… professionals advise to basically wash your hands frequently, cover your mouth when coughing and stay home if when sick with fevers, sore throats and coughs. Oh yeah, the president says to wash your hands after you shake. That wouldn’t go over so well in my world, but good advice.

For more information, check out CNN’s FAQ at http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/2009/04/27/cnn-answers-your-faqs-on-swine-flu/

Saving Some Doe!

Now days, everyone is shopping for a bargain – especially many single moms in need of stretching each dollar to it’s fullest potential. I have always admired those women that know exactly when to shop and how to get a bargain even during the toughest economic times. I’ve asked around and here’s what some of the consumer geniuses told me.

Get ready to shop for your winter items.
Because we are somewhat “in-between” seasons, all of the winter items are not as low as they will be in about a month or so. So, start watching the clearance racks now for items you will likely need come October and November (coats, sweaters, hats, gloves, etc.). Also, buy a size or two up for your kid’s winter clothes. That way you are sure to have items that will fit them when Jack Frost arrives. Great article: http://www.finweb.com/financial-planning/shopping-for-clothes-in-the-off-season.html

Food Items
This just depends. You have to watch the advertisement flyers so that you may compare. If you’re in Kansas City, Apple Market doubles your coupons – look for other stores that do likewise. Also, many swear by shopping on Wednesdays when the sales are fresh and items are just displayed. For more food shopping tips for healthy items, check out http://kidshealth.org/teen/food_fitness/nutrition/grocery_shopping.html

Coupon Craze
I have never been the best at collecting coupons. I just never knew how to organize them without buy another “something” for my already cluttered life. However, I really love the concept of digital or online coupons. You can search for them when you need them and print them right from your computer. SmartMoney.Com makes some recommendations of the best online coupon sites. View them here: http://www.smartmoney.com/spending/deals/5-best-coupon-clipping-web-sites-23634/

Check out the CBS segment about online coupons!

Watch CBS Videos Online

Single Moms in the News

I’m tired.

I really am. I have been working feverishly to promote the single mom support network throughout Kansas City so that more moms can take advantage of resources available. Thankfully, I have great help in my talented niece Tasia Brooks and one of the smartest women I know – Cheryle Woods. I also appreciate the help of all of the volunteers in Kansas City. There is still so much work involved in creating the support infrastructure that is needed and I won’t stop until we’re well on our way.

Supporting single moms and their journey toward raising healthy young people has been a personal passion of mine for many years. I have spent most of my adult life as a single mother and know first-hand the challenges associated with raising kids, working full-time, continuing education and yes – having a boyfriend or two along the way. It’s tough.

That’s why Sisters Helping Sisters is necessary. Old news– it’s my part of my destiny to create this network. Nothing new, nothing shocking about that.

However, what I do find shocking is the new spotlight on single mothers lately. Surely much of the attention is due to the recent study by the National Center for Health Statistics Report on Childbirth, but I think much more is at play. Single mothers have been on society’s sidelines for many years. Moral beliefs aside, society has never really known where to place women responsible for raising children alone. For years people thought that single mothers looked a certain way and lived in certain zip codes. Not so. Likewise, many have just stuffed single mothers into a society imposed box labeled: “poor”, “welfare recipient”, “wanton”, “loose” and worse! But this new attention on the plight and experiences of single moms is showing the many faces of women raising children alone. That I find refreshing!

For all of those emails accusing me of not esteeming marriage highly enough, I say a loud and resounding “Whatever!” I believe that a healthy two-parent family is an ideal setting for child-rearing (notice I said “healthy”). That’s why I remarried, it enriched my (and my son’s) life. However, I do not and will never believe that a single woman cannot raise healthy, well-adjusted children on her own. That’s all there is to it.

So it is time to get over how women become single moms and start uniting as a community to provide resources, tools for success and assistance to those who are raising tomorrow’s citizens.


What do you think?

Sexting and Teens

There is a new phenomenon in teen circles.

It’s called “Sexting”. Essentially, sexting is sending nude or hypersexual images via cell phones in the form of text messages.

A few days ago, a grieving mother shared her heart-wrenching story. Her beautiful teen daughter took her own life after sexually explicit photographs (sent to her boyfriend) were circulated throughout her high school.

I watched the segment, shook my head and finished my make up. But throughout the day, the story "stuck" with me.

It is no secret that young people tend to behave spontaneously with little regard for consequences. Some scientific sources attribute the youthful recklessness to the underdevelopment of the prefrontal cortex. This region of the brain helps us consider and weigh the consequences of our actions. Some say it is not fully developed until the early twenties.

Whatever the reason youth engage in this potentially dangerous exchange, it must stop. I spoke to my seventeen year old son about it and warned him of the potential hazards of engaging in such behavior. I tried, as desperately as I could, to “park” my parental judgments and clearly explain how harmful it could be to send or accept such pictures. I went so far as to say: "Don't allow anyone you care about to send these types of photos." He agreed, but I hope he really heard me.

Sending nude or explicit photos can potentially threaten our kid's career ambitions, social standing and the personal self-image. Or worse, it could create a hostile, toxic social environment as it did for Jesse Logan-the teen girl that committed suicide as a result of the taunting from her school-mates.

This “sexting” thing is a new “issue” for most of us. So, I give big kudos, hugs and thanks to Mrs. Logan for sharing her pain with the nation and, in turn, empowering us to warn our children about this new “secret” in youth culture. I had a conversation with mine, I hope other parents do the same.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Racial Stuff - Get Over It!!!

A few days ago, someone offered a word of advice about Sisters Helping Sisters, the women’s organization I oversee. Let me premise the forthcoming by saying the person meant no harm whatsoever. Here’s how it played out. Innocently, they asked me: “Why do you have so many pictures of ________ people on your website”? I’ll leave the blank to your imagination. However, you should know that it relates to one’s ethnicity. The well-intentioned person went on to advise that the images may “run off” women of other races because they may not want to associate with women of other cultures.

Poppycock, I say.

I have been involved in single mom networks for almost ten years. One thing I have learned is that the struggles of single mothers are more similar than they are different. Regardless of economic status, ethnicity or zip code, most every single mom struggles with issues regarding their time (too little of it), ample opportunities to care for themselves and balancing outside relationships with the demands of motherhood. Other issues may include: finances, maintaining a healthy self-image and moving beyond past pain. I dare not compartmentalize the Single Mom Empowerment Groups based on one narrow racial group or zip code. I work very hard and make personal sacrifices to provide the resource for all single moms.

So, the Single Mom Empowerment Group in Kansas City is for everyone. All women parenting alone are welcome and the images on our marketing materials will always be reflective of the entire community we live in and serve.
Just as I told my friend, “it’s time to get over it, don’t you think?”

What Single Moms Are Saying...

Background

The Single Mom Support Groups have been going on for years. The first support group was in 1998 at the Plaza Library in Kansas City, Missouri. Since then, many transitions have transpired in our organization, our city and in society at-large.

There are simply too few resources available for single women parenting alone. In my fifteen years as a single mother, I learned how differently I had to execute family operations from my two-parent counterparts. I had to be the “all and all” for my son. I had to work smarter – not harder- to get tasks accomplished. It was critical that I strategically plan our time and make the most of our resources.

A New Day

In this new season of Sisters Helping Sisters, I welcome input and advice on what is important to single moms in Kansas City and across the country. During the last support group meeting, some moms generated a list of struggles single moms must overcome, barriers they must work through and speakers they might want to hear share insights. I welcome your feedback about the list and any additions or subtractions to amend it and make it more comprehensive. Even if you’re not in Kansas City, we welcome your input.

Struggles

-Negative people, being negative
-Finances (discipline, budgeting, healthcare, life, etc)
-Life Skills (managing cooking, cleaning, household duties, developing good healthy habits).
-Education (formally and just learning more about a variety of subjects)
-Exploring career options (linking them to education goals)
-Nutrition (making healthy meals, exercise for “everyday” people)

Barriers
-Self (making decisions, not accepting support when available)
-Low self image (society makes us feel badly about ourselves)
-Negativity about future
-Putting others higher than self
-Shame about past decisions

Speakers/Topics
-Self care
-How to be alone and not lonely
-Budgeting and handling money wisely
-Loving one’s self
-Self Defense
-Career Counseling
-Education process (where to start, etc)
-Car repair
-Home repair ("DIY" fixes)

Needless to say, this list is not all inclusive and reflects the opinions of just a few women.

What items do you think are missing on from the above list?

Do you agree with the list?

Healthy Mom, Healthy Kids

In order to rear healthy and emotionally-sound children, a woman must first be healthy and emotionally-sound herself. She needs a healthy sense of “self” so that she can make good decisions for herself and her children. It is virtually impossible for a woman to effectively raise thriving children if she herself is emotionally broken and spiritually fragmented. That’s all there is to it. I have seen it play out countless times and so have you. A woman who is insecure, fearful, nervous, and angry tends to raise children that mirror those weaknesses.

This is why, Single Mom, you must continue to work toward making yourself better and more competent in every area of your life. If you struggle with insecurity, you have to face that struggle head on and begin challenging yourself to grow and expand in areas of weakness.
Suggestion: Start with a journal of some sort. Take the time to catalogue your victories, triumphs or even survivals. List out every time you have conquered a short-coming or a setback. List them clearly. Whether it is smoking, drinking or just “falling” into bed with the first joker that says he loves you. Whatever your victory is, write it down, reflect on it and celebrate it.

Triumphant, Again!
Now that you have listed your victories, think about your formal triumphs. What have you achieved? Did you graduate from college against all odds? Did you graduate from trade school or high school? Did you just make it through today?
Your triumphs could actually be more personal than educational achievement. For instance, have you gained control of your food intake (that’s a tough one!)? Are you exercising now more than you have in the past? Whatever your triumph, embrace it and use it as a stepping stone to take you to the next stage of success.

"I Made It Through!!!"

Don’t forget to focus on your survivals. Did you survive a relationship that you thought would destroy you emotionally or even physically? If so, that’s praise-worthy! Did you manage [or are you managing] to raise your children with very few resources? Again, that’s a survival! Many of us have survived everything from personal attacks, mistreatment and spiritual setbacks. The key is to catalogue the triumph deep into your psyche so that you can use it to propel you forward in life. As a young mom, I never imagined that I would be able to work full-time, go to college, live in a great suburb while keeping my baby in a great private school, but God gave me the strength and the resources. That’s a big deal for me. I have been victorious, triumphant and, yes, I SURVIVED!

Single Mom, do not be “down” on yourself for your shortcomings. Instead purposely celebrate just how far you’ve come. I say it all of the time, ‘a lesser woman would have quit’. But you keep on “trucking’. That’s a huge step toward being that healthy and successful mom raising healthy, well-balanced kids!

FaceBook - Are They Crazy or Are We?

FaceBook recently took some heat for changing their "Terms of Service" (TOS) to overtly declare perpetual ownership of content on their website (including photos). This created quite a "stink" with the millions (or more) FaceBook users around the world. As you know, people post pictures of themselves, friends and even their kids on their FB web pages. It seems that the old TOS statement did not assert ownership over content after a person left FB or discontinued their membership. However, the newly adapted TOS did claim some degree of ownership.

I can understand the "YIKES!" sentiment felt by some of the users. Frankly, I never used the service until today when I joined - only to see updated pictures of my friend’s new baby. So in essence, the entire deal is new to me. Heck, I discovered Blogs a few weeks ago! But there is a part of me that's a bit perplexed about this situation. Here's why: anything, including pictures and verbiage, posted on the World-Wide-Web implies a question of ownership in my opinion. Sure the TOS "promises" that they will not read or use your stuff, but common sense tells me NOT to put anything on the web that I don't want snatched, viewed or stolen. C'mon! It's a reality that breaches occur.

In all fairness to FB they amended their TOS to further comfort the worried users. In fact, they are making it explicitly clear that they do not own your stuff and that the CEO wants you to "trust him" with your content. (See Yahoo article at http://tech.yahoo.com/news/ap/20090218/ap_on_hi_te/facebook_sharing)Even, still. Stuff can still be stolen and used for unintended purposes. It's the Internet for crying out loud!

Who's crazy? Us for thinking our stuff is secure? Or them for changing their policy?
What do you think?

Free Stuff In A Crazy Economy

I LOVE getting free stuff. Money is tight for so many families, so the freebies really come in handy.

But you have to be careful. Here are a few tips:

When you find a site that offers free stuff, make sure that they direct you to the product site and not some third party sight. Often the third party sites are scammers that just want your email address so that they can harass you non-stop! I like Thefreesite.com. They often link you to the product company's website.

Sure you may have to complete a short survey, but that's a small price to pay for a product you can use for a month or so (depending on the product).

Also, when you register, it is a good idea to give a email address that is not your primary address. The whole purpose of giving away freebies is to:

1) get some information about consumers

2) introduce you to their product. and

3) to get marketing [contact] information so that they can contact you again in the future.

So enjoy the freebies, but not at the cost of your privacy.

Right now Dove is giving away free samples, click here.

Cheers!

Any other free sites that you like?

Don't Listen to Crazy People

Don’t Listen to Crazy People

From the beginning of time, people have had their opinions about single mothers. Hey, even I’m no different. I have said it before and I’ll say it again: I think that it is irresponsible to have unprotected sex and, thereby, create children that one cannot afford to raise effectively. For that matter, I ALSO think it is irresponsible to marry the first jerk that asks you (I’m guilty of that one!!!!). So, we all have our opinions – and blunders.

However, NONE of us are in a position to judge anyone else. Like me, you’ve made mistakes too. We can do one thing, however, we can warn other women to not make the same bad choices that we made. Warn, not judge.

There has been a ton of press about a popular conservative author and political commentator. She has been spewing judgments about people in life situations in which she can never relate. I say, don’t listen, single mom!

Choose to hear life lessons from those who care about you and your challenges. Most importantly, learn from your own mistakes (and victories, for that matter). But do not let people box you into a category because of your choices, economic status or color of your skin. Further don’t box either. Never box yourself into a life that you do not want. At any given moment in your life, you can make changes to improve. It’s possible.

People do it everyday.

For me it was returning to school so that I could earn enough money to care for my son. I also aggressively learned computer skills [online] so that I could get better jobs and more pay. Heck, I learned html online so that I could create a “side” business and send my son to private school! It didn’t cost me a dime to learn those skills! Because I did I not only made more money, but I also created a website that reaches hundreds of single moms each day!

Also I had one son. I purposely decided NOT to have more children as a single mom because I knew I could not afford them. I took control of my life and you can too. I’m not perfect – far from it. But I’m smart enough to know that I am in control of my destiny and not a bunch of “nay-sayers”, critics, and silly elitist authors.

Don’t listen to the crazy people single mom!

Destiny: Single Moms

Single mothers have been the cornerstone of society for ages. However, the stigma imposed on them has compromised society’s support of them through the years. People tend to judge more than offer resources. But women raising children alone is a reality for countless women. Those families need the support of a caring community so that the children can grow and thrive. Further, I am committed to working to provide a peripheral of support so that mothers can also grow and expand as women. A healthy and well-balanced woman is better positioned to raise healthy children as well.

A Little About Me
For those who do not know, I was a single mother for fifteen years. I married far too young and the marriage lasted a few minutes (well, almost four years). The result was a wonderful baby boy (now almost eighteen). It seems that most of my adult life was devoted to learning and discovering how to raise him effectively. I was determined to not let him suffer completely for my poor choices in marriage or in relationships.
I struggled to live a life of integrity and be a good model of humanity for him. Although I dated guys from time to time, I was careful not to parade men around him. He has never seen a man come out of my bedroom after an overnight liaison. Not because I am perfect – Lord knows I am not! Gimme a break! My twenties were seasoned with bad choices and bad relationships. But I was careful to not let him suffer from them. I did not compromise his mental health by allowing him to get attached to people that I knew were not committed to me or him. Along the same lines, it wasn’t his fault when I dated a jerk that dumped me for another woman. Since it wasn’t his fault, he didn’t need to know about it, hear about it or live with a heart-broken and depressed mom who endured one broken heart after another. I grew past that for his sake and mine.

You’re NOT doing what????
To further make life more challenging, I committed in my late twenties to abstain from sex until I was married. (I say the “challenging” part in humor – and truth!) My decision was rooted in my faith, but also in my logic. When a woman is “with” a man and gives her body and soul to him without a commitment, the pain is very intense should the relationship end. I determined that was not good for me or my son. One of my friends could not relate to my choice and when I told her about it, she responded in a shrieking voice, “You’re not doing WHAT?” She put special emphasis on the word "NOT". Funny! Although difficult, my choice was the right one. I do not regret it. Recognizing the difficulty of making tough choices, I founded a support network for single mothers like myself. With the right support systems, single moms can raise healthy kids and develop themselves personally, emotionally and professionally. There is so much talk about negative peer pressure in our world, but I believe POSITVE peer pressure is just as powerful. It has helped me and still does.

When I married three years ago, I assumed that I was to no longer to continue the single mom network that I had invested almost ten years into building. But that was a faulty decision. My heart is still with single moms and I want all of the resources I have acquired to somewhat benefit them and improve their lives as woman and as parents. A destiny is not so easily abandoned.

So, my question to all of the single moms out there is not to so much their opinions on my personal decisions. I simply shared a bit about myself to give you insight and context into me and who I am. Here’s what I want you to do: please share what you as single moms (or supporters of such) feel that women raising children need to be successful as women. What personal development resources would be most useful?
For example, when I was a single mom I struggled most with time management and budgeting. I was in school and worked a demanding full-time job. There wasn’t enough time. Secondly, although I made a good living, I never learned the “science” behind budgeting. So, it never seemed to be enough money. Resources and developmental opportunities in these areas could have helped me a great deal.

Again, what insights can you share on how single moms can flourish as women so that they can succeed as moms?

Date Smart Single Mom

Responsible Dating Choices for Single Moms
Responsible DatingRecent headlines about single mothers have been saddening and frustrating. Most made headlines because of poor relationship choices. The mothers made the choices, but the kids paid the price. Hear this and remember it: just about every choice you make affects your children.As a young single mother, I learned that my choices, even those when my son was not around me, affected his life in a variety of ways. The tears from my broken heart impacted the overall tone of my household, thereby affecting him. Similarly, when I met a great guy that made me happy that, too, affected his daily living. There’s no way around it – everything you do affects your child(ren) in some form. So you must be wise.The following tips I learned one of two ways: from painful experience or from the mistakes of other single moms. I hope you find them helpful.1) One Disciplinarian. Never allow your significant other (SO) to discipline your children. That job belongs to only one person – you. When a boyfriend disciplines or spanks your child, it confuses the child and diminishes your power to a degree. Furthermore, boyfriends – even the best ones- “lift” right out of your life. With no marriage certificate they can easily, quickly and instantaneously be gone. I know what you are thinking. Although husbands disappear as well, it’s not quite as easy. But people with no weighty commitment tend to treat SO’s and their kids a bit more casually. Be careful. Discipline is and should remain a parenting role, but it should never a “boyfriends” role.

2) Don’t Do It. Do not leave your child alone with your SO. You must be careful entrusting anyone with your child, but especially a man. You may trust him with your all of your. You may likely even love him, but it is not good practice. Just because a person is over 18, doesn’t make them responsible, competent or safe caretakers. There have been enough sad headlines of trusting single mothers who have left their children with a boyfriend. Don’t become one of them. Better safe than sorry. Take no risks with your children. Enough said.

3) Slow Your Roll A Bit. Allow plenty of time before you introduce your child(ren) to your SO. There’s no rule or formula as to how long one should wait, but I think the longer the better. Help your children preserve their emotional attachments for that person that will be around long-term. Smart single moms know that their love for a man is not always good measure for judging his character. Before a man meets your children consider waiting until he offers you a ring and a date of promise. It’s better to err on the side of caution in these situations. Waiting gives you a chance to know him, understand him and assess his lifestyle. So many married women are miserable because they did not wait to actually see what type of men they’re husbands are regarding their time and sensitivity. Besides, your child doesn’t need the memories of meeting a sea of your men suitors.

4) Hold your heart and your body dear. I know it sounds archaic in today’s culture. However, if you know your true value, you will be wary of falling in love to quickly. Instead, you will stick with someone long enough to observe their patterns, learn their core values, and understand their temperament before choosing to love them. Love is not something that “just happens” to smart women, it is a choice. It is a gift. You must choose wisely for yourself and for your kids.This leads into the second point: do not give your body to someone that you are not legally married. The intimacy and emotional attachment alone is reason enough to wait. Another reality is that many sexually transmitted diseases and infections put you at risk. As a result, why gamble with your body and your children’s future because of a physical urge or need to please a man. An easy choice it is not, but it is a choice that you will be glad you made in the end. Few people are sorry that they waited for sex; countless individuals regretted not waiting to have sex. Besides, you’re worth the wait and so are your kids.

Postively SINGLE Mom!

Positively Positive, Single Mom!
It has never been more apparent to me than recently how we must value the time we have with those we love. In one day- one short twenty four hours- the telephone can ring with news that can turn our lives upside down. We must live each day to it’s fullest, making the most of every moment.It is easy to focus on the challenges of day to day living and ignore the blessings of the present moment. Your health, strength and resources are the positives to focus on each day. As a single mom, you may not have every material thing you want, but you do have something. The very fact that you are reading this blog demonstrates that you have access to a computer. That’s a blessing. Your car may not be impressive to most, but if you have one at all, that’s a blessing.There was an old song with lyrics that tell us to “accentuate” the positive.

As a single mom, this is especially good advice. I know it sounds "Pollyanna-ish, but if you maximize the negative, your inner spirit will live in a state of “heaviness” that could turn into depression and affect your ability to parent well. Your children need to see you happy, optimistic and encouraged. This will build their confidence and teach them the valuable lesson of counting their blessings.Besides, when you focus on the ‘happy’ side of life, you’ll be better able to recognize great the opportunities that come your way. So, keep your spirits up, Single Mom! The best is yet to come!Teri Worten Brooks is the founder of Sisters Helping Sisters, Inc. A Missouri-based nonprofit organization devoted to building the capacity of single mothers and all women to reach their fullest potential. Learn more at http://www.sistershelpingsisters.org/

Early Birds or Crazy Birds????

Last night I determined to wake up a bit early today to feed my spirit and start the day motivated and encouraged. So, I dutifully got up from my nice, cozy soft bed and headed toward my cold, dark kitchen. My first thought was to do a load of laundry or something. But I didn’t. This was time for my own replenishment and self-care. I wasn't going to deviate from the plan.

The only problem is that I am a morning hater! I'm known for thinking anyone who is up before seven o'clock is nuts! However, I must admit that I noticed something tranquil about the early morning. But I'm still not completely convinced that this "early bird" thing is for me. Time will tell.

While in the kitchen, I turned on the lights and groggily made a cup of peppermint tea. Hoping the pungent flavor of pepperment would give me a burst of energy and wake me up. Still somewhat sleep, I spent the time in prayer and mediation as I had planned. I was very drowsy and can't say that I remember much of what I read or journaled, but it was nice to have some time for myself before the madness of another busy day began to settle in.

It's critical to make time for yourself whether you’re a working mom, a married mom, or a single mom. As a matter of fact, I think the latter mentioned needs this quiet time the most.

As a single mom, you are incredibly busy giving out and distributing your resources to others. As a result, it is easy to forget the simple principle of self care- making time for you. Think about it, car that has a gas gauge on empty is of little use to anyone. The same goes for you.

Whether your "you" time is in the morning, evening or during the lunch hour, make some time to spend on yourself. Do not allow yourself to feel guilty about it. As a single mom, my time was clearly during the evening (I guess you figured out that I am not a morning person by nature). As a matter of fact, after Ben (my son) went to sleep, I would stay up to do something I enjoyed. I would paint my toe nails, read or guiltlessly peruse a fashion website or I did whatever else I thoroughly enjoyed. Remember, it's not about the quantity of time, but the frequency that matters.

Point: Regularly make more time for yourself so that you can be an effective, relaxed and well-balanced mom. Do it for your kids, do it for yourself.