What Single Moms Are Saying...

Background

The Single Mom Support Groups have been going on for years. The first support group was in 1998 at the Plaza Library in Kansas City, Missouri. Since then, many transitions have transpired in our organization, our city and in society at-large.

There are simply too few resources available for single women parenting alone. In my fifteen years as a single mother, I learned how differently I had to execute family operations from my two-parent counterparts. I had to be the “all and all” for my son. I had to work smarter – not harder- to get tasks accomplished. It was critical that I strategically plan our time and make the most of our resources.

A New Day

In this new season of Sisters Helping Sisters, I welcome input and advice on what is important to single moms in Kansas City and across the country. During the last support group meeting, some moms generated a list of struggles single moms must overcome, barriers they must work through and speakers they might want to hear share insights. I welcome your feedback about the list and any additions or subtractions to amend it and make it more comprehensive. Even if you’re not in Kansas City, we welcome your input.

Struggles

-Negative people, being negative
-Finances (discipline, budgeting, healthcare, life, etc)
-Life Skills (managing cooking, cleaning, household duties, developing good healthy habits).
-Education (formally and just learning more about a variety of subjects)
-Exploring career options (linking them to education goals)
-Nutrition (making healthy meals, exercise for “everyday” people)

Barriers
-Self (making decisions, not accepting support when available)
-Low self image (society makes us feel badly about ourselves)
-Negativity about future
-Putting others higher than self
-Shame about past decisions

Speakers/Topics
-Self care
-How to be alone and not lonely
-Budgeting and handling money wisely
-Loving one’s self
-Self Defense
-Career Counseling
-Education process (where to start, etc)
-Car repair
-Home repair ("DIY" fixes)

Needless to say, this list is not all inclusive and reflects the opinions of just a few women.

What items do you think are missing on from the above list?

Do you agree with the list?

Healthy Mom, Healthy Kids

In order to rear healthy and emotionally-sound children, a woman must first be healthy and emotionally-sound herself. She needs a healthy sense of “self” so that she can make good decisions for herself and her children. It is virtually impossible for a woman to effectively raise thriving children if she herself is emotionally broken and spiritually fragmented. That’s all there is to it. I have seen it play out countless times and so have you. A woman who is insecure, fearful, nervous, and angry tends to raise children that mirror those weaknesses.

This is why, Single Mom, you must continue to work toward making yourself better and more competent in every area of your life. If you struggle with insecurity, you have to face that struggle head on and begin challenging yourself to grow and expand in areas of weakness.
Suggestion: Start with a journal of some sort. Take the time to catalogue your victories, triumphs or even survivals. List out every time you have conquered a short-coming or a setback. List them clearly. Whether it is smoking, drinking or just “falling” into bed with the first joker that says he loves you. Whatever your victory is, write it down, reflect on it and celebrate it.

Triumphant, Again!
Now that you have listed your victories, think about your formal triumphs. What have you achieved? Did you graduate from college against all odds? Did you graduate from trade school or high school? Did you just make it through today?
Your triumphs could actually be more personal than educational achievement. For instance, have you gained control of your food intake (that’s a tough one!)? Are you exercising now more than you have in the past? Whatever your triumph, embrace it and use it as a stepping stone to take you to the next stage of success.

"I Made It Through!!!"

Don’t forget to focus on your survivals. Did you survive a relationship that you thought would destroy you emotionally or even physically? If so, that’s praise-worthy! Did you manage [or are you managing] to raise your children with very few resources? Again, that’s a survival! Many of us have survived everything from personal attacks, mistreatment and spiritual setbacks. The key is to catalogue the triumph deep into your psyche so that you can use it to propel you forward in life. As a young mom, I never imagined that I would be able to work full-time, go to college, live in a great suburb while keeping my baby in a great private school, but God gave me the strength and the resources. That’s a big deal for me. I have been victorious, triumphant and, yes, I SURVIVED!

Single Mom, do not be “down” on yourself for your shortcomings. Instead purposely celebrate just how far you’ve come. I say it all of the time, ‘a lesser woman would have quit’. But you keep on “trucking’. That’s a huge step toward being that healthy and successful mom raising healthy, well-balanced kids!

FaceBook - Are They Crazy or Are We?

FaceBook recently took some heat for changing their "Terms of Service" (TOS) to overtly declare perpetual ownership of content on their website (including photos). This created quite a "stink" with the millions (or more) FaceBook users around the world. As you know, people post pictures of themselves, friends and even their kids on their FB web pages. It seems that the old TOS statement did not assert ownership over content after a person left FB or discontinued their membership. However, the newly adapted TOS did claim some degree of ownership.

I can understand the "YIKES!" sentiment felt by some of the users. Frankly, I never used the service until today when I joined - only to see updated pictures of my friend’s new baby. So in essence, the entire deal is new to me. Heck, I discovered Blogs a few weeks ago! But there is a part of me that's a bit perplexed about this situation. Here's why: anything, including pictures and verbiage, posted on the World-Wide-Web implies a question of ownership in my opinion. Sure the TOS "promises" that they will not read or use your stuff, but common sense tells me NOT to put anything on the web that I don't want snatched, viewed or stolen. C'mon! It's a reality that breaches occur.

In all fairness to FB they amended their TOS to further comfort the worried users. In fact, they are making it explicitly clear that they do not own your stuff and that the CEO wants you to "trust him" with your content. (See Yahoo article at http://tech.yahoo.com/news/ap/20090218/ap_on_hi_te/facebook_sharing)Even, still. Stuff can still be stolen and used for unintended purposes. It's the Internet for crying out loud!

Who's crazy? Us for thinking our stuff is secure? Or them for changing their policy?
What do you think?

Free Stuff In A Crazy Economy

I LOVE getting free stuff. Money is tight for so many families, so the freebies really come in handy.

But you have to be careful. Here are a few tips:

When you find a site that offers free stuff, make sure that they direct you to the product site and not some third party sight. Often the third party sites are scammers that just want your email address so that they can harass you non-stop! I like Thefreesite.com. They often link you to the product company's website.

Sure you may have to complete a short survey, but that's a small price to pay for a product you can use for a month or so (depending on the product).

Also, when you register, it is a good idea to give a email address that is not your primary address. The whole purpose of giving away freebies is to:

1) get some information about consumers

2) introduce you to their product. and

3) to get marketing [contact] information so that they can contact you again in the future.

So enjoy the freebies, but not at the cost of your privacy.

Right now Dove is giving away free samples, click here.

Cheers!

Any other free sites that you like?