Have you ever noticed when you travel by plane, the very minute the plane is in the air and you are relaxed in your seat that the flight attendant comes with along with the “in case of emergency” lecture? Frankly, I roll my eyes when I see him or her positioning in the aisle. I usually don’t care about the exits or how to use the oxygen masks. I generally just want to sit undisturbed until my graham crackers [or peanuts] arrive.
But they come with their spiel anyway.
You know the speech, it’s something like this: “in the event of trouble, affix your own oxygen mask before helping others with theirs”. The first time I heard this demonstration, I thought “hmmm…that it seems kinda rude.” Shouldn’t I help others first? The answer is a resounding NO! Why you ask. The answer is simple: the flight attendant is talking about [your and other's] survival not the social registry.
As a young mom, I was surprisingly aware of the link between effective parenting and my personal well-being. My son needed me and relied on me. I loved him, so I wanted to be physically and emotionally healthy for him. Whenever I did slack in my self care, my mom swiftly reminded me: “Teri, you are no good to anyone else if you don’t take care of yourself first.” My mom was just talking about me taking vitamins, but I saw other life applications to her advice. As a result, I incorporated “little” self-care rituals into my daily routine. For instance, in the morning I would purposely wake up before my son, Benji, to do something I wanted to do. I’d use the time to journal, experiment with hairstyles or just paint my nails.
I found it helpful to do the same in the evenings. After a stressful day at work, I desperately needed to de-compress. So when my son was older, I allowed myself five minutes “me” time before I started dinner. It is amazing what five minutes could do for my mind and spirit. I often would just sit on the floor and stretch out the kinks of the day. It felt great! Other times, I’d slather on one of my favorite scented lotions before I headed to the kitchen to prepare a quick meal. My son must have thought I smelled like a giant vanilla bean or pomegranate when I came out of the room, but I didn’t care. Those simple gestures reminded me of my worth and significance.
Just as in the flight analogy, you must take are of yourself before you can competently care of anyone else – including your kids. It may “feel” selfish initially, but when you integrate balance, it’s anything but selfish! It’s absolutely necessary. We’re talking your physical and emotional survival.
Remember this: extreme self-compromising behaviors send unhealthy messages to your kids. Self care for you – as a parent - is an important part of a healthy, well-balanced lifestyle. That’s a great lesson to learn early in life.
Take care of yourself. In doing so, you’ll be providing your children the best care imaginable. Check out these sites for more tips:
"31 Ways to Relax in 10 Minutes or Less"
"100 Ways to Relax, Unwind and Loosen Up"
"8 Simple Ways to Relax"
I love Rodney Lee with Gaim. I have his Yoga tape "Yoga for Beginners".
Special note: As I penned this blog entry, I remembered that I hadn’t eaten a good meal the entire day! So, I left my laptop and took care of me. All lessons in life need a little reinforcement from time to time. What a great reminder for myself as well!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
How Single Moms Are Like Al Pacino
How are you like Al Pacino?
Last week, I watched one of my favorite movies “Carlito’s Way” starring Al Pacino. In the film, Pacino portrays a newly reformed and newly released gangster determined to abstain from the deadly influences of the ghetto streets. He was released from prison on some legal technicality. He viewed his release as a perfect opportunity to make a clean start.
How you are like the Al Pacino character, you ask? Patience, I’m getting there.
During one of my favorite scenes, Carlito stands on a rainy corner of a gloomy street watching his beloved Gail dance inside a studio. She is completely unaware that he is there – or out of prison for that matter. The camera zooms in on Pacino’s face. Pacino was captivated by this woman he has not seen in many years. Enormous raindrops pounced on him until he was dripping wet.
Then Carlito did something intriguing.
He noticed a few aluminum garbage cans lining the dark, lonely curb. Suddenly, he reaches over, swipes a lid and holds it over his head to shield him from the rain as he watched Gail’s flowing ballet movements. From a sociological perspective it was a fascinating action. A garbage can lid is something that most people would not see as a resource for anything other than covering the stench of decaying trash. Nonetheless, it was right there - sitting, waiting and ready to serve a new and creative purpose for Carlito. Carlito was a gangster, a survivor in the most primal sense of the word. A survivor uses whatever is available to them to be okay, to survive and to succeed.
As a single mom, you are what Carlito is in the film – a survivor. When you are trying to survive, you grab whatever you can to ensure that your [and your children’s] needs are met. You take full advantage of every possible resource to stay strong. You become creatively practical.
What resources are you overlooking that may be of great benefit to you? Is it a small business idea that could render extra cash for your family? Is it a college degree that might increase your earning potential? How about your faith? Are you making the best possible use of your faith to encourage you during the hard times? Do you pray? Are you reading scripture for strength and reinforcement?
Your over-looked resource could also be people. People can be great resources. Communicate your needs and goals to trusted individuals. You never know, they may be able to help you. Don’t underestimate people’s knowledge areas, networking connections or wisdom. Quite possibly, your buddy at work may be related to the head of a human resources division. Perhaps, your cousin knows someone that could help you go back to college. Your quiet elderly neighbor may know of a great babysitter for your kids! The possibilities are endless. Just cast your bread upon the waters and see what happens.
Last week, I watched one of my favorite movies “Carlito’s Way” starring Al Pacino. In the film, Pacino portrays a newly reformed and newly released gangster determined to abstain from the deadly influences of the ghetto streets. He was released from prison on some legal technicality. He viewed his release as a perfect opportunity to make a clean start.
How you are like the Al Pacino character, you ask? Patience, I’m getting there.
During one of my favorite scenes, Carlito stands on a rainy corner of a gloomy street watching his beloved Gail dance inside a studio. She is completely unaware that he is there – or out of prison for that matter. The camera zooms in on Pacino’s face. Pacino was captivated by this woman he has not seen in many years. Enormous raindrops pounced on him until he was dripping wet.
Then Carlito did something intriguing.
He noticed a few aluminum garbage cans lining the dark, lonely curb. Suddenly, he reaches over, swipes a lid and holds it over his head to shield him from the rain as he watched Gail’s flowing ballet movements. From a sociological perspective it was a fascinating action. A garbage can lid is something that most people would not see as a resource for anything other than covering the stench of decaying trash. Nonetheless, it was right there - sitting, waiting and ready to serve a new and creative purpose for Carlito. Carlito was a gangster, a survivor in the most primal sense of the word. A survivor uses whatever is available to them to be okay, to survive and to succeed.
As a single mom, you are what Carlito is in the film – a survivor. When you are trying to survive, you grab whatever you can to ensure that your [and your children’s] needs are met. You take full advantage of every possible resource to stay strong. You become creatively practical.
What resources are you overlooking that may be of great benefit to you? Is it a small business idea that could render extra cash for your family? Is it a college degree that might increase your earning potential? How about your faith? Are you making the best possible use of your faith to encourage you during the hard times? Do you pray? Are you reading scripture for strength and reinforcement?
Your over-looked resource could also be people. People can be great resources. Communicate your needs and goals to trusted individuals. You never know, they may be able to help you. Don’t underestimate people’s knowledge areas, networking connections or wisdom. Quite possibly, your buddy at work may be related to the head of a human resources division. Perhaps, your cousin knows someone that could help you go back to college. Your quiet elderly neighbor may know of a great babysitter for your kids! The possibilities are endless. Just cast your bread upon the waters and see what happens.
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