Background
The Single Mom Support Groups have been going on for years. The first support group was in 1998 at the Plaza Library in Kansas City, Missouri. Since then, many transitions have transpired in our organization, our city and in society at-large.
There are simply too few resources available for single women parenting alone. In my fifteen years as a single mother, I learned how differently I had to execute family operations from my two-parent counterparts. I had to be the “all and all” for my son. I had to work smarter – not harder- to get tasks accomplished. It was critical that I strategically plan our time and make the most of our resources.
A New Day
In this new season of Sisters Helping Sisters, I welcome input and advice on what is important to single moms in Kansas City and across the country. During the last support group meeting, some moms generated a list of struggles single moms must overcome, barriers they must work through and speakers they might want to hear share insights. I welcome your feedback about the list and any additions or subtractions to amend it and make it more comprehensive. Even if you’re not in Kansas City, we welcome your input.
Struggles
-Negative people, being negative
-Finances (discipline, budgeting, healthcare, life, etc)
-Life Skills (managing cooking, cleaning, household duties, developing good healthy habits).
-Education (formally and just learning more about a variety of subjects)
-Exploring career options (linking them to education goals)
-Nutrition (making healthy meals, exercise for “everyday” people)
Barriers
-Self (making decisions, not accepting support when available)
-Low self image (society makes us feel badly about ourselves)
-Negativity about future
-Putting others higher than self
-Shame about past decisions
Speakers/Topics
-Self care
-How to be alone and not lonely
-Budgeting and handling money wisely
-Loving one’s self
-Self Defense
-Career Counseling
-Education process (where to start, etc)
-Car repair
-Home repair ("DIY" fixes)
Needless to say, this list is not all inclusive and reflects the opinions of just a few women.
What items do you think are missing on from the above list?
Do you agree with the list?
Showing posts with label parenting alone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting alone. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
What Single Moms Are Saying...
Monday, January 26, 2009
Destiny: Single Moms
Single mothers have been the cornerstone of society for ages. However, the stigma imposed on them has compromised society’s support of them through the years. People tend to judge more than offer resources. But women raising children alone is a reality for countless women. Those families need the support of a caring community so that the children can grow and thrive. Further, I am committed to working to provide a peripheral of support so that mothers can also grow and expand as women. A healthy and well-balanced woman is better positioned to raise healthy children as well.
A Little About Me
For those who do not know, I was a single mother for fifteen years. I married far too young and the marriage lasted a few minutes (well, almost four years). The result was a wonderful baby boy (now almost eighteen). It seems that most of my adult life was devoted to learning and discovering how to raise him effectively. I was determined to not let him suffer completely for my poor choices in marriage or in relationships.
I struggled to live a life of integrity and be a good model of humanity for him. Although I dated guys from time to time, I was careful not to parade men around him. He has never seen a man come out of my bedroom after an overnight liaison. Not because I am perfect – Lord knows I am not! Gimme a break! My twenties were seasoned with bad choices and bad relationships. But I was careful to not let him suffer from them. I did not compromise his mental health by allowing him to get attached to people that I knew were not committed to me or him. Along the same lines, it wasn’t his fault when I dated a jerk that dumped me for another woman. Since it wasn’t his fault, he didn’t need to know about it, hear about it or live with a heart-broken and depressed mom who endured one broken heart after another. I grew past that for his sake and mine.
You’re NOT doing what????
To further make life more challenging, I committed in my late twenties to abstain from sex until I was married. (I say the “challenging” part in humor – and truth!) My decision was rooted in my faith, but also in my logic. When a woman is “with” a man and gives her body and soul to him without a commitment, the pain is very intense should the relationship end. I determined that was not good for me or my son. One of my friends could not relate to my choice and when I told her about it, she responded in a shrieking voice, “You’re not doing WHAT?” She put special emphasis on the word "NOT". Funny! Although difficult, my choice was the right one. I do not regret it. Recognizing the difficulty of making tough choices, I founded a support network for single mothers like myself. With the right support systems, single moms can raise healthy kids and develop themselves personally, emotionally and professionally. There is so much talk about negative peer pressure in our world, but I believe POSITVE peer pressure is just as powerful. It has helped me and still does.
When I married three years ago, I assumed that I was to no longer to continue the single mom network that I had invested almost ten years into building. But that was a faulty decision. My heart is still with single moms and I want all of the resources I have acquired to somewhat benefit them and improve their lives as woman and as parents. A destiny is not so easily abandoned.
So, my question to all of the single moms out there is not to so much their opinions on my personal decisions. I simply shared a bit about myself to give you insight and context into me and who I am. Here’s what I want you to do: please share what you as single moms (or supporters of such) feel that women raising children need to be successful as women. What personal development resources would be most useful?
For example, when I was a single mom I struggled most with time management and budgeting. I was in school and worked a demanding full-time job. There wasn’t enough time. Secondly, although I made a good living, I never learned the “science” behind budgeting. So, it never seemed to be enough money. Resources and developmental opportunities in these areas could have helped me a great deal.
Again, what insights can you share on how single moms can flourish as women so that they can succeed as moms?
A Little About Me
For those who do not know, I was a single mother for fifteen years. I married far too young and the marriage lasted a few minutes (well, almost four years). The result was a wonderful baby boy (now almost eighteen). It seems that most of my adult life was devoted to learning and discovering how to raise him effectively. I was determined to not let him suffer completely for my poor choices in marriage or in relationships.
I struggled to live a life of integrity and be a good model of humanity for him. Although I dated guys from time to time, I was careful not to parade men around him. He has never seen a man come out of my bedroom after an overnight liaison. Not because I am perfect – Lord knows I am not! Gimme a break! My twenties were seasoned with bad choices and bad relationships. But I was careful to not let him suffer from them. I did not compromise his mental health by allowing him to get attached to people that I knew were not committed to me or him. Along the same lines, it wasn’t his fault when I dated a jerk that dumped me for another woman. Since it wasn’t his fault, he didn’t need to know about it, hear about it or live with a heart-broken and depressed mom who endured one broken heart after another. I grew past that for his sake and mine.
You’re NOT doing what????
To further make life more challenging, I committed in my late twenties to abstain from sex until I was married. (I say the “challenging” part in humor – and truth!) My decision was rooted in my faith, but also in my logic. When a woman is “with” a man and gives her body and soul to him without a commitment, the pain is very intense should the relationship end. I determined that was not good for me or my son. One of my friends could not relate to my choice and when I told her about it, she responded in a shrieking voice, “You’re not doing WHAT?” She put special emphasis on the word "NOT". Funny! Although difficult, my choice was the right one. I do not regret it. Recognizing the difficulty of making tough choices, I founded a support network for single mothers like myself. With the right support systems, single moms can raise healthy kids and develop themselves personally, emotionally and professionally. There is so much talk about negative peer pressure in our world, but I believe POSITVE peer pressure is just as powerful. It has helped me and still does.
When I married three years ago, I assumed that I was to no longer to continue the single mom network that I had invested almost ten years into building. But that was a faulty decision. My heart is still with single moms and I want all of the resources I have acquired to somewhat benefit them and improve their lives as woman and as parents. A destiny is not so easily abandoned.
So, my question to all of the single moms out there is not to so much their opinions on my personal decisions. I simply shared a bit about myself to give you insight and context into me and who I am. Here’s what I want you to do: please share what you as single moms (or supporters of such) feel that women raising children need to be successful as women. What personal development resources would be most useful?
For example, when I was a single mom I struggled most with time management and budgeting. I was in school and worked a demanding full-time job. There wasn’t enough time. Secondly, although I made a good living, I never learned the “science” behind budgeting. So, it never seemed to be enough money. Resources and developmental opportunities in these areas could have helped me a great deal.
Again, what insights can you share on how single moms can flourish as women so that they can succeed as moms?
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